Every Act is Done When it is Conceived

Today, I woke up knowing that I would later in the day do a soul retrieval. I intended to do ceremony and journey with the specific purpose of gaining back the fragmented pieces of self that were lost along the way. I knew in my heart where these pieces were. Some were lost as long ago as when I was three years old. Some were lost a month ago when I underwent painful surgery and recovery.

For the past several months, and specifically for the last month, my story has been one of suffering and woe. Almost for 15 years, this physical pain has defined me in many ways. I have been in someway, in part or in whole, to varying degrees, in victim mode. The pain has drained me emotionally, spiritually and physically.

In the few weeks since the surgery, I have felt violated,cast aside and traumatized. I could not shake the necessity to tell my story of woe. Even when my plan was different, I reveled in telling the war story of the weeks past.

And then, today, I decided to do a soul retrieval for myself. I am trained and capable ,yet wondered how it would go. But, of course, I need not to have worried. For as soon as I knew that I was going to do a soul retrieval, it had already been done.

For the first time in months, even though I intended to share my war stories with our lunch guests, I didn’t feel like doing it. The need to commiserate was gone. I engaged in conversation about life, jobs, vegetables, data backup, hotels and other assorted topics, but never really got around to telling my saga. And when the subject came up, I finally was able to treat it as just another life experience; it was not a plea for sympathy, or praise for my fortitude in the face of tragedy. It was finally just a story.

And so, the ceremony tonight, that I have just finished,although real and meaningful, was simply a completion of the transformation. It was for the benefit of my analytical self, my conscious mind. Spiritually, the work had already been done. It only took an instant, and was completed when the intent was formalized. And even thought the physical pain may take some time to diminish, instantly today the victim nature of the pain is gone.

This is the power we have to manifest.